mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize