he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
