mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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