This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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