just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
