So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
