also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
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