my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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