I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
