i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
