Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
