Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
is it fun? or sober?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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