thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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