So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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