I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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