apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
