bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
