i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
