I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
