took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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