Fuck appropriateness.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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