I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
