here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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