There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize