he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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