i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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