Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize