Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
