Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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