I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
