there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
