Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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