Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
