I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
