Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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