i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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