i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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