I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize