so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
