i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
