Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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