Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
COCAINE IS GR8
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
