How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize