he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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