i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
