Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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