I'm drive I can fine osifer
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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