where does the pee come out of this thing
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize