for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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