It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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