Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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