His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize