You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
