i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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