just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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