I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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