matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
