1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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