Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
