My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize