Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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