On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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