I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i dont even know how to be here
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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