At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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