with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
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