Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
