I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
