I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
