Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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