rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
