sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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