i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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