So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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