dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
they call him Oral-B. enough said
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
