I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
