i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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