Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
