apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
