I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
