I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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